The Down Side Of The Dark Side
by Mithranduilas
Summary: Typical days in Saruman's life after he turned to the DARK SIDE. General mishappenings which make life around Isengard interesting.


Author's Notes:

All the recognizable characters belong to the Tolkien Estate and New Line Cinema. I'm borrowing them with the intention of returning them all in one peice, more or less.

This is my first fic so please forgive me if it is dull or boring. Please review and leave your suggestions

**The Downside Of The DARK SIDE**

The day began as it had begun everyday since the last few days. Outside Isengard, Saruman could hear the crebain crowing merrily. This is good, thought Saruman, morning news had arrived. He enjoyed the warmth of his bed for a few more moments and then got up to begin the day.

Saruman went to his closet to pick out a robe, a difficult task indeed since he had become Saruman of Many Colours. All the robes looked different but they were all of them the same. Almost, anyway. Maybe he would wear the one with the pink flowers, his personal favorite, but, perhaps, the one with the black trimming would be more appropriate. With the attire of the day decided, he moved on to his hair, which needed a lot more consideration. His hair had been turning grey of late, what with all the ash and dust! They just would not get combed. But what worried him the most was that his trichotillomania was starting to show, small bald patches here and there. Thank Iluvatar for making him an Istar! He could fool anybody (almost) and get away with it.

While eating his breakfast of bacon and eggs, Saruman listened to the morning news (brought to your table exclusively by CNN, the Crebain News Network. For a free one month trial, call your nearest Crebain operator immediately!).  
Today's morning news:  
"Rohan begins conscription, enlists 10,000 wild men into The Rohirrim, Grima awarded for brilliant scheme" who is Grima working for anyway? Must get into his mind today  
"The Nazgul have ridden forth from Minas Morgul" must invite them for grand party,  
"Gwaihir seen near Orthanc" wonder what this means?  
and  
"Sauron inaugurates new torture chamber" must congratulate him on palantir today .  
With this, Saruman went to inspect his grounds.

The wargs were growing up just fine. The wildlife had been chased away by them. The remaining animals had been eaten by orcs, no salted pork for them.  
He went to the smithy. After commending the orcs working there for designing brilliant weapons, Saruman went to the breeding pit. Uruk-hai, his magnum opus. Half men and half orcs. Deadly killing machines. But why were they playing with his pet rabbits and ring-a-ring-o-roses amongst themselves? This was not correct. Orcs must have attached XX chromosomes to the orc karyotype instead of the XY. This was definitely not good. The entire process would have to be repeated. And to make things worse, he was running out of elf-bone-derived resin, which was essential for creating Uruk-hai.

Saruman went to his library to look for a book. He bent and remembered all too clearly his duel with Gandalf. Slamming against Orthanc stone not good, hurts too much, must get fur carpets It was then that he saw the palantir glowing.  
Sauron wanted to speak with him. He went to the palantir and moved his freshly manicured hands over it. Sauron's fiery red eye was visible in the depths of the palantir.  
Saruman said,"The power of Isengard is at your command, Sauron, Lord of the Earth".  
And Sauron ordered, "BUILD ME AN ARMY WORTHY OF MORDOR".  
Saying this, Sauron left.  
Build Sauron an army?That's it? No problem. Builiding armies for destructing Middle-Earth was a piece of cake...not. How was he going to do that? Where was he going to find more orcs to work for him? A piece of cake.That reminded him. WHERE was the book which had the recipe for making chocolate cake with raspberry coulis? Saruman was very worried. His hair fell around his face untidily. He looked haggard and shaken. Saruman wrapped his arms around him. Just then, three orcs came and one of them asked "What orders from Mordor my Lord? What does the Eye command?"  
And Saruman replied, "We have work to do".

A/N: I got the idea for this story during my Physics class. I felt (and looked except the beard and long, white hair) like Saruman in the movie scene.  
Since I'm posting this almost a month after thinking of it, I regret to announce that this may not have come out as well as I had thought of it originally.


End file.
